Mr. and Mrs. MacMillan, of Hartford, Connecticut, are pleased to announce the engagement of their daughter, Caroline MacMillan, to a man with an insurance plan that’s accepted by ninety seven per cent of all doctors.
The bride was born in Danbury, Connecticut, and graduated magna cum laude from Quinnipiac University, in 2015. Ms. MacMillan’s fiancé has a monthly insurance premium of two hundred dollars that will only increase to two hundred and fifty-three dollars when Ms. MacMillan joins his plan.
The bride, who is twenty-five, will soon be aging out of her parents’ mediocre insurance plan, so there’s really no better time to be marrying a man with full dental and vision.
The groom, with the aforementioned great insurance, comes from a long line of well-insured men and women who have lived full and exciting lives free of the burdens of self-financed health care. When the groom’s father broke his hip, in 2014, and needed a replacement, their insurance covered all of the medical bills and even sent a get-well-soon card. His grandmother boasts the distinction of being the recipient of the first insured mammogram.
The groom’s parents, a man who has had Lasik eye surgery and a woman with no cavities, are elated to add a daughter to their well-insured lineage.
The bride’s parents are thrilled that their daughter found a man despite her noticeably crooked teeth, a result of them not being able to afford orthodontia. They are also ecstatic that she will finally have insurance despite preëxisting conditions, including generalized anxiety disorder, an allergy to peanuts, and the ability to bear children. And they really can’t believe that all of their future grandchildren will receive a full dose of the H.P.V. vaccine.
The wedding will take place on the banks of the Hudson River. The bride and groom will go barefoot, despite the presence of various sharp rocks and rusty nails, because the groom’s insurance fully covers all emergency-room visits.
Through the beauty of matrimony, Ms. MacMillan will be gaining an insurance plan that will allow her to continue seeing Dr. Gary Mound, her longtime primary-care physician and the officiant of the wedding.
The bride will also gain ten-dollar co-pays, five-dollar fees for all medications, a flexible spending account with no rollover limit, fifty free therapy sessions a year, chiropractic visits, plus limitless ionic foot baths and acupuncture.
Ms. MacMillan and the groom with the most amazing insurance plan known to man will honeymoon in Nepal right after receiving free his-and-hers typhoid shots.
On – 02 Jul, 2018 By Briana Haynie